The esteem word comes from a Latin word which means “estimate.” This means that self-esteem is how one estimates or regards themselves.
Self-esteem can be caused by both internal and external factors.
Self-esteem could also be defined as the reflection of one’s overall subjective emotional evaluation of their worth. It’s basically the judgment of oneself as well as attitude towards yourself.
High/ Healthy self-esteem is basically feeling positive about yourself and valuing yourself correctly.
This can be increased by external factors such as parents, teachers, and coaches among others.
This is people who give a positive feedback even in hard situations which could have been considered as a failure.
Pillars of increasing self-esteem.
Self-esteem can be increased through positivity. The following are the main pillars of feeling good about yourself.
1. Personal integrity – Without the practice of personal integrity, you may be positive but not have the sense of what your ideas, conviction believes, and standards are to use as a basis for measuring how you are performing. Integrity comes when people’s behaviors match their preferred values or when practices and ideals match. Integrity helps people evaluate themselves.
2. Self-discipline- According to Lao-tzu “People who command others are powerful, but those who have mastered themselves are more powerful. People cannot attain total awareness and enlighten without proper discipline and practice.” Self-discipline enables people to cope with challenges of life. With self-discipline, one can project consequences into the future by thinking and planning.
3. Living purposefully- This is whereby one uses their powers to achieve goals. Goals could be different such as studying, building a family, sustaining a relationship or even solving a problem. Through goals, self-esteem can be raised since it’s our goals that lead us forward and energize our existence.
4. Self-assertiveness- Assertiveness is basically acting and doing everything from your innermost convictions and feelings. The importance of this pillar is for one to be real. Acting from themselves and not copying other. Doing what they feel is right but not what others think.
5. Self-responsibility- Responsibility is being able to stand by what you believe or what. Not running away because of fear of conviction but standing for the truth and believe. When you respond to life challenges, you are responsible.
6. Self-acceptance- This is understanding oneself and engaging problems to find solutions in a positive way. Without self-acceptance, people tend to be influenced easily, and people are aiming to downgrade you can easily do it. Once you accept yourself, you will stick by your life rules of taking the positives and leaving the negatives. Therefore self-acceptance is a good way to boost self-esteem.
Low self-esteem is the belief that something is wrong even when it’s not. People with low self-esteem cannot stand for what they believe and are majorly influenced by others.
People go to the extent of deeming themselves stupid simply because a person made them think they are failures and that they cannot achieve specific purposes which they ended up believing. Low self-esteem is majorly developed from childhood.
What you see or hear in childhood can affect your confidence when growing up. This could have resulted from the family with instances like family conflicts and divorces, from the community whereby your family could have been perceived as poor and failures or even from the school whereby you feel to have been treated differently of the feeling of hatred.
What causes low self-esteem?
Negligent Parents. As a rule, and especially when we’re youthful, our sentiments about ourselves are intensely affected by how others feel about and treat us – particularly our folks or gatekeepers.
Everybody merits a cherishing family, yet some youngsters have the setback of not getting sufficient help at home.
Guardians or gatekeepers with emotional well-being issues, substance mishandle issues, or different difficulties will most likely be unable to give their kids the care, direction and consideration they require and merit.
This can cause huge confidence issues for youngsters, as the individuals who should nurture those most may not appear to.
Negative Peers. Similarly, as the way we’re dealt with by guardians or gatekeepers can extraordinarily impact our confidence, so can the way we’re dealt with by peers.
Being a piece of a social gathering that cuts you down – by not regarding you, by influencing you to do things you’re not happy with, by not esteeming your musings and emotions, and so on – can make you have a craving for something isn’t right with you, or that the main path for you to be enjoyed is to do what others need and not tune in to your own heart and psyche.
This is extremely harming to how you see yourself.
Injury/ Mishandle – whether physical, enthusiastic, sexual or a blend of these – frequently causes sentiments of disgrace and even blame.
A man may feel that he or she accomplished remark the mishandle, that he or she was not deserving of the regard, love, and care of the abuser.
Individuals who have endured manhandle may have a lot of tension and gloom related to the occasion too, which can meddle with a man’s capacity to lead a satisfying life.
Self-perception. The University of Washington’s Teen Health and the Media website page reports that 53% of young ladies reviewed were despondent with their bodies, a number that ascents to 78% by the age of 17.
In her book, I’m, Like, SO Fat!, Dianne Neumark Sztainer reports that half of adolescent young ladies and 30% of teenager young men rehearse undesirable practices with an end goal to get in shape, including skipping suppers, retching, smoking cigarettes, fasting and utilizing purgatives.
Self-perception is a colossal factor in youngsters’ confidence, particularly that of young ladies.
From the minute we’re conceived, we’re encompassed by doubtful pictures of what ladies should resemble, what the “perfect” body sort is.
Ladies’ bodies are always generalized in the media, influencing it to appear just as their bodies exist for others to take a gander at, touch, utilize, and so forth.
At the point when pubescence comes around, and our bodies begin to transform, they don’t change into what we see on magazine covers or in music recordings.
This can prompt feeling ugly and deficient, over the significant debilitation that accompanies seeing your body as a question for others to observe.
While young ladies are lopsidedly influenced by self-perception messages, young fellows aren’t resistant.
Numerous young fellows’ battle with low confidence related with weight and body organization – especially concerning bulk.
The body of a man isn’t such a great amount of regarded in our way of life as a question for others,
yet as an indication of his manliness. Young fellows may feel forced to grow huge muscles as a show of quality and masculinity; they may likewise feel reluctant about their tallness.
Unreasonable Goals. Regardless of whether the weight originates from themselves, specialist figures or companions, some youngsters expect an excessive amount of themselves as far as school accomplishment, extracurricular contribution or potentially economic wellbeing.
The individuals who battle scholastically may figure they ought to get straight A’s constantly; the individuals who perform well scholastically may attempt to go up against excessively numerous different exercises and hope to be “the best” at all of them.
Youngsters who hunger for ubiquity may anticipate that everybody will like them – something that just doesn’t occur, on the grounds that, regardless of your identity, you can’t please everybody.
The inescapable inability to meet unlikely objectives may prompt the inclination that you are a disappointment as a rule.
Past Bad Choices. Some of the time we get bolted into a specific example of basic leadership and acting.
Maybe you haven’t been a decent companion before.
Perhaps you didn’t put forth a concentrated effort in school.
Perhaps you took an interest in unsafe practices like medication utilizes or unprotected sex. You may believe you’re only “the sort of individual” who acts in those ways.
You may even aversion yourself essentially as a result of past decisions, however, don’t figure you can change courses now.
Along these lines, you won’t attempt.
You’ll keep settling on decisions that strengthen your own negative self-see.
Negative Thought Patterns. When you get used to the feeling, considering yourself especially, it progresses toward becoming propensity.
You’ve presumably known about muscle memory – once you’ve played out specific physical activities like riding a bicycle, again and again, your mind naturally flags your muscles to do whatever that movement requires – keeping you adjusted on the seat, for instance.
Your considerations and emotions really work similarly now and again.
In the event that you have frequently felt that you’re useless or second rate, on the off chance that you continually think negative musings and say negative things in regards to yourself, at that point you’re probably going to continue feeling and thinking a similar way unless you break the cycle by testing your negative considerations and emotions about yourself.
Similarly, as our muscle memory can take in the wrong approach to play out a physical movement, our idea and feeling recollections can learn mistaken examples
Other factors that may lead to low self-esteem include; Poor academic performance, early sexual involvement, teen pregnancies, alcohol and substance abuse among others.
Ways of improving self-esteem
• Stop you inner criticism – This is the best point to start building your self-confidence again. Stop criticizing yourself in everything that you do.
Self-criticism leads people to just doing things that please others in order for them to feel appreciated instead of doing what is right.
This leads those to start feeling terrible about themselves thus the inner hate start.
Avoid the inner criticism by doing telling it off.
Do what you feel good and see the positivity rather than the negativity.
• Use healthy motivation habits – Make the inner voice very weak by taking actions that raise your esteem.
This can be done by focusing on doing what you really like to do, reminding yourself of the importance and benefits of achieving specific goals and ensuring self-encouragement by taking negatives as an improvement point.
• Write three things you appreciate about yourself – By seeing at least three things you love about yourself every day helps improve your self-esteem.
Low self-esteem is caused by lack of appreciation, therefore, seeing positives about yourself is a good way to start developing a good relationship with yourself.
• Hand mistakes and failures in your life in a positive way – This can be achieved by making yourself your best friend.
Instead of fighting yourself because of a simple problem collect yourself and try to find a solution to the problem by yourself.
Changing your negative point of view is always good to stop fighting yourself.
• Be a kind person to other people- When you are good to other people you tend to be good to yourself too.
Always take a minute to help a person who is in dire need and encourage other people when they are unmotivated.
With such acts, you start seeing yourself as an important person, and self-believe starts creeping in.
• Try something fresh/new- If what you have been doing in the past has been a disappointment to low then you can abandon it and start over again.
You should know you cannot start a new life from the beginning all you need is getting over the past and trying something more positive and appealing to you.
• Avoid destructive people- Spend more time with constructive people and people who you are comfortable with.
Avoid people who make you feel unwanted no matter how close they are.
• Stop comparing yourself with others – Everyone is unique in their own way, and someone’s achievement is not your achievement.
Comparing your self will only make you feel like a failure.
More to that it makes you try things that may be hard for you. Accept yourself and do things as you not as another person.
Self-esteem exercises that may help improve your self-esteem
Success is majorly anchored on self-esteem. With healthy self-esteem, you can set goals and achieve them. There are exercises that can help improve self-esteem. Such exercises include;
Listing at least 10 things you love about yourself- When you are feeling negative about yourself write things you love about yourself.
You can write them in a notebook and explain each so that you can improve your image. If you get the ten positives just keep looking for more.
List five achievements you are proud of – When there is a lot of negativity one can forget their past achievements.
Reminding yourself about your achievements helps you know that you are capable of achieving even more in the future.
List people you have helped and people who have helped you- By listing people you have helped help to show you that you are important to other people as they can depend on you when they are in need.
While listing people who have helped you in the past helps you to know that no matter how hard the situation is there are people who are ready to give their helping hand.
List things you appreciate about your life – This helps you realize that you are important to yourself.
Self-esteem classes and workshops
There are several ways of countering low self-esteem. There are psychology advisors specialized on improving others self-esteem.
You can attend self-esteem classes that have group discussions and mostly positive talk only. The classes last about 40minutes and are very good to improve confidence.
Self-esteem workshops are mainly corporate to increase the confidence of workers in organizations.
Importance of self-esteem
Positive self-image is important to every generation
Self-esteem in young children – Between one to twelve years it’s important for parents to ensure that children are fed with the right information.
Anything negative at this age is likely to affect the child over the coming years.
Domestic violence is a major self-esteem lowing factor in this age.
Self-esteem in Adolescents – Activities affecting the youths between 13 to 19 years may lead to bad choices because it’s at this age they try to be independent.
At this age show them they are important to avoid instances of drug abuse among others.
Self-esteem in parents – Parents should know that they can also seek help during hard times. Circumstances like disrespect from kids can lower self-esteem among parents, but through the right guidance, they can always overcome it.
Self-esteem among the elderly – Among the elderly self-esteem has been a major issue due to the feeling of neglect.
The other problems that could lower the confidence level of the elderly are healthy and low physical ability.
In this cases, they end up abusing the prescription of medication among others. Supporting them can make their self-esteem levels increase.
It’s also important to encourage them to participate in social gathering and doing other physical activities.
Overcoming low self-esteem cannot be done in a single day. It’s a process that’s important as it helps people regain their confidence.
Self-esteem issues are best solved by the affected individuals and the experienced advisors.
It’s always important to handle this issues in a positive way.
It’s important to ensure that you are not the cause of low self-esteem to others. Always work to improve other confidence.
Helping others does not make you less human but also helps to improve your confidence also.
According to Marianne Williamson self-esteem quote “Peoples, deepest fear is not that they are inadequate.
Their deepest fear is that they are powerful beyond measure.
It’s their light, not their darkness that most frightens them.
They ask themselves ‘who are they to be brilliant, talented, gorgeous or fabulous?
Actually, who are they not to be? They are Gods children.
There is nothing enlightened about behaving cowardly so that others won’t feel insecure around you.
Everyone is made to shine. As you let your light shine you give other people to permission to shine theirs too. By not shining you may be hindering someone success too.”
Don’t let any other person make you feel bad so that they can shine. Star in your own way and keep encouraging yourself that you are as good as everyone else.
Positive self-esteem is important for healthy living and happy living too. Communication about feelings and problems is also essential in maintaining a healthy self-esteem.