Around 863 million people flew U.S. airlines in 2023, and if you were one of them, you know that it feels like the experience keeps getting less and less enjoyable. From ever-shrinking personal space to ever-increasing fees, flying has become a crucible of suffering for anyone who can’t afford (or negotiate) an upgrade to first class. But the worst part about air travel these days can be our fellow travelers—our angry and sometimes rude fellow travelers who sometimes break every rule of flight etiquette there is.
One easy way to trigger a Yellowjackets-style descent into savagery? The seat swap. Booking flights can be a dystopian nightmare, so it’s not uncommon for folks to wind up in distant seats and want to sit together. We’ve all asked someone to switch seats so we could be next to a partner, a friend, a child, or someone who might need some extra help during the flight—but as with everything else in this life, there’s a right way and a wrong way to go about it. If you need to negotiate a seat swap on your next flight, follow these rules to avoid being the bad guy.
Rule 1: Don’t squat
The most important rule of trying to swap seats on a plane: Never, never squat in the seat you want.
“Seat squatting” means jumping into the seat you’d like to occupy in the hope that you can just bluff your way into it. When the rightful owner of the seat shows up, seat squatters try to ignore them, bully them, or convince them to just let it happen as a fait accompli.
This is not only rude, but it will also annoy the flight crew, who would greatly prefer everyone stay in their assigned seats until after boarding (see Rule 2) to reduce chaos. And finally, that same flight crew will probably force you to move anyway—and then any chance you had of negotiating the swap will be dead.
Rule 2: Wait until boarding is finished
If you’re anxious about getting your seating arrangement in order, you naturally want to get the process started as soon as you step onto the plane. Boarding can be absolute chaos on crowded flights—the overhead compartments start to fill up, people block the aisle trying to corral their luggage, last-minute ticketing problems get resolved—and trying to move up and down the plane to arrange a seat swap just makes everything worse. Plus, the flight crew may be performing some seat-swapping magic of their own that you’re now making even more complicated, much to their probable irritation.
The best way to approach a seat swap is to wait for boarding to finish (or at least mostly finish). The aisle will be clear and you’ll have plenty of time to politely ask someone to change seats.
Rule 3: Be polite
No one is under any obligation to swap seats with you, and it isn’t their fault that your booking didn’t go as planned. Demanding that they comply with your wishes or responding to reasonable questions (such as “is your seat right next to the restroom?” or “do you really have an aisle seat?”) with snark or rude comebacks isn’t going to get you anything.
Rule 4: Equivalent value
Seat swaps should be parallel in the sense that the person swapping with you shouldn’t get shafted in the process. If they have a seat with extra legroom, a first- or business-class seat, or an aisle or window seat, they should get a seat of equivalent quality. Asking someone to go from a roomy aisle seat to a squished middle seat is simply not fair. You can still ask, of course, but be situationally aware of what you’re asking—seats on a plane are definitely not all the same. Take a moment to think about the location and class of your current seat so you know what you’re asking a total stranger to sacrifice for you.
If you really need to ask for an unbalanced swap, offer something to the other passenger. That’s right, the long tradition of bribery is your best friend in these situations. If they paid for an upgraded seat or simply have a better seat than you do, offering to buy them few cocktails or snacks or simply compensating them for the difference in seat price might be the difference between closing the deal or not.
Rule 5: Be honest
Speaking of being situationally aware of your seat’s advantages and disadvantages: Don’t lie about them. If you have a middle seat, don’t tell the potential swapper in an aisle seat that you also have an aisle seat just to get them up—that’s what scientists call an asshole move. Most of the time the swapper will just return to demand their seat back, and your fellow passengers will know that you’re not a good person. And if your little scheme causes a lot of confusion and ruckus, you’ll earn the enmity of the flight crew—who absolutely have the power to get you tossed off the plane.
Rule 6: If you’re refused, don’t argue
Finally, if your seat swap request is denied, accept it. “No” is a complete sentence, and you have no idea why the person isn’t interested in helping you out—they may have perfectly good reasons for staying put. In any case, they’re under zero obligation to fix your booking problems. It’s perfectly OK to politely ask for a seat swap. It’s not OK to argue with the person if they say no.
