We all get angry at times. Sometimes it might seem justified or we convince ourselves that we are in our right to be angry. Whatever the reason and whether your experiencing passive or aggressive anger, read the 10 tips about anger, which might give you some different views:
Tip #1: Your anger is yours
If you’re experiencing it, it’s yours. It might have been triggered by an outside stimulus but it’s still yours to deal with.
Tip #2: Blaming and projecting won’t change your experience
Often we are tempted to blame someone for our experience of anger or we project it at someone close. Guess what – the emotion is still in you and once you’re over it ask yourself: does it really help to hurt the ones you love by projecting your anger at them? Do they deserve it?
Tip #3: Ask yourself: What’s the real cause behind the trigger?
Whatever apparently ‘made you angry’ is seldom the real cause. What is it really about? As yourself questions like: Do you dislike being controlled or not having control over someone or a situation? Do you dislike injustice because it reminds you of someone or something in your past?
Tip #4: Reflect on your passive aggressive strategies
Did you know that for example psychological manipulation, secretive behaviour and evasiveness are forms of passive anger? What are you avoiding by using those strategies? Write down what you would have to feel, do or say if you couldn’t use those strategies.
Tip #5: Reflect on your aggressive anger strategies
Did you know that for example unjust blaming, including self-blame, selfishness, hurtfulness and threats are all forms of aggressive anger? What are you avoiding by using those strategies? Write down what you would have to feel, do or say if you couldn’t use those strategies.
Tip #6: Use healthy anger wisely
If you experience anger in a situation of perceived threat and it allows you to influence it, using the power of the emotion, to keep yourself and you loved ones safe it is usually a good thing. You will notice that if you experience ‘clean anger’, without any past referencing, it will dispel quickly (in relation to the situation’s needs) and leave you clear.
Tip #7: Take time out
When you experience anger your heart rate will be increased, which will disable your creative thinking brain. That’s when you notice that you are no longer able to think logically. Make it a rule to take time out to calm down, before attempting to resolve the situation.
Tip #8: Use anger management strategies that work for you
Find something that works for you: going for a run, doing a work-out, bashing a pillow, screaming into a pillow, gardening, etc – use whatever works for you to self-sooth and get your heart rate down to your normal resting heart rate.
Tip #9: Take responsibility
We all get angry at times. What matters most is how we deal with it in the moment and what we do to take responsibility after the event. If you have children, this is how you will teach them dealing with anger. Think about what kind of role model you would like to be.
Tip #10: Deal with past referenced anger
A good indication for anger to be referencing unresolved emotions or life’s experiences from the past is when the anger or the justifications for anger are lingering over an extended period. This is your invitation to resolve and heal whatever has been left undealt with.